Care Package One

Tonight Mike and I find ourselves compiling our first care package to Aaron. We've asked for his input, and it's obvious he's missing his "home team" Chicago Cubs as they prepare for the playoffs. We also forgot to send him with a USA flag. Aaron ordered the beard in the photo and plans to use it as a ski mask. I'm not real sure how that's going to work. It was hotter than heck in just the few minutes it took to get the picture.

Aaron has also been invited by someone that family knows to build a guitar. So he has asked we send some of his guitar parts. He's asked for some odd things too...like toe nail clippers and permanent marker Sharpies. We'll try to slip in a few small surprises, then hope that the Cubs win their first playoff game so he can actually wear the jersey before their season is over.

Life is Changing

Changes have taken hold here in the Rorick home.

Life is much quieter. The television isn't on as much. Video games aren't played. Most importantly, there is one less person to have as part of a conversation.

The house is cleaner. And even more bizarre, it has a way of staying cleaner longer. There's not as much stuff to put away or clean. I think we've only used the dishwasher four times since he left. The shoe pile by the door isn't nearly so large.

The office is a lot cleaner once we stored all his hockey and baseball equipment. We can even close the closet door now! My husband was in awe.

The smiley face on the back of Aaron's truck
greets us every day. 

We finally took his Scout truck down to his cousin's to have some more work done on it. We also finally got the other Scout truck that was being used for parts towed out of the back yard and sold for scrap. Now we just have his red Dodge Dakota smiling at us as we pull up to the front curb every day.

We tend to eat supper without the television on. Did I mention things are quieter? Oh, and we changed the lighting in the dining room to a more romantic setting. We're also eating more leftovers. I guess we haven't made our recipes much smaller, so there seems to be a serving remaining.

For some reason, I am finding I actually get the remote control more often. We only have one television. Hard to believe, but true. Usually I used to let the guys manage the programs, but now I sometimes find something that isn't just about making money, but actually has a real story line in it.

As a couple, we're doing pretty well. We're pleased at how we're re-connecting after having a son in the house for 18 years. But...

...after a month, I must confess...I am beginning to miss my son. 

The first few weeks were really okay. It was much like a honeymoon. There was a newness in the air. The clean and quiet house was nice. However, the lack of Aaron's voice and laughter is making this mom a little melancholy now and then.

We continue to work through the communication conundrum. Aaron doesn't seem too homesick, so we're not really obsessing over how often we talk. He sends messages to his Dad fairly often. Sometimes Aaron and I will chat through social media. Once a week we try to actually talk...you know, like in the old days, where you can actually hear the person!??

Overall, we're doing okay...but things sure have changed.

Communication Conundrum

According to Merriam-Webster, "conundrum" is a confusing or difficult problem. So far, the decision making process that goes into deciding when and if to communicate with Aaron is confusing but not necessarily all that difficult.

From Rotary International guidelines, they suggest minimizing all communication with your son or daughter as it increases the likelihood of homesickness. It also decreases their growth in independent thinking.

During our second interview with the organization as Aaron was screened for the process, I remember asking how soon after they are settled would parents be able to contact the youth. The interviewers asked how I felt about a month or two? I was a bit shocked, but if that was the process then I was willing to give it a go. This was the beginning of a series of reminders that failed exchanges were often the result of parents who were unable or unwilling to let their children go unchecked for periods of time. 

Now as the months of education proceeded, it became apparent that families in recent years established communication guidelines that would work well for both them and their student. For some this meant a once a week phone call. For others, the communication was less...for others it might have been more.

Students were taught that while they could continue to use social media that they should gravitate their activity to their new family and friends while minimizing contact with those in their homeland.

Students in our area were also assigned the task of keeping a web blog and making regular entries. Deciding if and how to obtain a cell phone became another issue. To reduce costs, Aaron made contact with us within 24 hours and instructed us to download the "whatsapp" app to our phones which would allow us to text and call for free. To video chat through skype or other methods is also another option.

So, having painted that picture for you, let me first of all state that this mother has done pretty darn good this first week and a half. Aaron called to say he was safe. He and dad exchanged a few texts and calls to facilitate some legalities. Then the conundrum took hold.

As I watched Aaron post to his blog, I wondered, "Do I comment?" Even prior to that, as early as pulling away from the airport, I debated about sending him a quick message that one of his Rotary representatives showed up just a bit late to see him off. Nope. Didn't do it. Didn't comment either. I watched his facebook posts. Do I "like," "comment," or "share?" I decided not to comment. Shared one or two...I think. Eventually, I decided I would "like" some of his photos and videos. I've also continued to resist the temptation to send him a little text just to let him know I love him and am thinking of him. He knows that, right?

By Friday afternoon (our time), I got a call from Mike that Aaron wanted to talk to me. He tried texting me and calling but I could not answer as I was busy at work. "What does he want?" I asked.

"He said that he just wants to talk to you. That he hadn't talked to you since Sunday," explained Mike. So I called.

I listened to some of his stories. Told him that we're doing okay. Honestly. Told him what I miss most is hearing him laugh so loud when he watches t.v. But overall, yep, we really are doing okay. We told each other "I love you." Aaron instructed me to tell Dad he loved him too.

He called his father again yesterday. Evidently it's been suggested he build a guitar while he's in Slovakia. He wanted his Dad's opinion. I later told Mike that next time he calls with a question like that he should encourage him to figure it out himself. After all, growing up and thinking for yourself are two of the primary purposes of this adventure.

So while we continue to contemplate when to "like," "comment," "share," "text," or "call," we'll be working at weening ourselves and Aaron from communication that hinders his growth while allowing him the reassurance that he is loved.