Taking Time to Just Be

I first noticed it about two months ago.  A desire began to appear within me to savor the time I have with Aaron.  It sounds easy, doesn't it?  But it can be a challenge when two hurdles present themselves. One hurdle is that my husband and son have pointed out that I can be a glass half empty kind of person.  For example, in my previous post I talked about how I can often point out to Aaron what I want him to do next instead of showing appreciation for what he has just completed.  Sometimes, instead of thanking him for what he did do, I'll point out what he could have done better.  Secondly, with a list of tasks needing completed before the departure date, it can be difficult to put to the side the roll of nagging mother.

So nights like tonight are special.  We took time out of our hectic lives to go watch our local, minor league baseball team, the Tin Caps.  The organization was having a special promotion where fans could get an autograph from Hall of Famer, Rollie Fingers.  With his own sports memorabilia collection, Aaron is not one to quickly let those opportunities go.  You can check him out on Aaron's blog, by clicking here. Although a bit chilly, at least there was no rain, and our home team won!  

Going to church, going out to eat, or watching my son make ribs for his Dad on Father's Day--these are the simple things that I'm cherishing most. 

From another old time, hall of fame recipient, some wisdom to remember:

"Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday's success or put its failures behind and start over again. That's the way life is, with a new game every day, and that's the way baseball is."

~ Bob Feller, Cleveland Indians

Struggling with Multi-Tasking Together

Over the course of this journey, I have discovered a struggle within myself. It often has taken the form of a tug of war. At one end of the rope is a mother waiting as patiently as she can for her son to take initiative on tasks. At the other end of the rope is a mother who often eventually succumbs to her need to check in on her son's progress on the task.

While this youth exchange was Aaron's original idea and while he has been instrumental in seeing it come to fruition, I must admit that it has been his father and me that at many times have kept the wheels turning. Whether it has been reminding him to send out thank you notes for the financial gifts he has received or encouraging him to start his own blog and begin making posts, we've had to resort to being the nagging parents. It is not a role we relish.

Now as the number of days continue to shrink between now and departure, we find a number of items needing action. For Aaron, multi-tasking has not always been a strong ability. While capable of multi-tasking, it is not his comfort area. I remember so many times while he was growing up, I would ask him to do a small chore around the house. While he was still in the midst of accomplishing that assignment, I would inform him of what I would like him to do next. It was not unusual for me to hear, "Wait. First you told me to do this. Now you want me do that. Which do want???" Of course the the mother in me had a simple answer for that: "Both." But from his perspective, both could not be done at the same time so I was asking the impossible.

Last week a similar situation arose. He knows he needs to be assembling and mailing out over 40 thank you notes from graduation gifts. He also needs to really focus on learning Slovakian. Somewhere in the midst he is supposed to be working on a major research project on his host country. Also, his sponsoring district wants him to make two blog entries per week. Add on top of that his daily life of working four days a week, playing hockey one evening a week, attending church, attending Rotary meetings, and having some summer fun with friends....well you get a pretty overwhelming picture for an 18 year old young man trying to juggle life.

(Photo by Tim Evanson/Royal Hanneford Circus - Westchester NY)

When I approached him how he was coming with the thank you notes and the foreign language, his response was much like it had been as a boy. "What do you want me to do???" Whether he said it out loud or implied it, the message was he couldn't do both at once. I turned to him and asked, "Haven't you heard of multi-tasking? You're going to need to learn." The conversation did not end well. In an uncharacteristic move, I lost patience, turned away from him, and said as I parted, "Fine. Get overseas and don't know how to ask where the bathroom is. See if I care."

After we both had time to cool off, I returned to that part of the house about 20 minutes later. He informed me he had taken the time to look at the website I had recommended. It is called Language Exchange Community. A week later, he pointed out he was making progress on the website in making a connection with someone, AND he was also still working on his thank you notes. "So I see you're multi-tasking?!" I said. "Yes," he replied. We had a bit of a victory celebration.

I must now admit a confession. Not having to assist in keeping the wheels moving is something this mother is looking forward to. I am also very hopeful that by being away from Mom and Dad for ten months our son will learn a way to self motivate and prioritize projects. While I realize multi-tasking can be a good skill to have, it is also equally or even more important to know what to focus on and when. Rotarians assure us our son will come back a different person. May this be one of those differences!

Aaron's Departure Date COUNTDOWN!

This last week we discovered Aaron will be departing on August 22, 2015 for Slovakia.

To discover how many days remain, simply click on the following link:

How many days until 22nd August 2015?

KOŠICE – ST. ELISABETH CATHEDRAL WITH CLOCK

(To learn a little about St. Elisabeth Cathedral, click here.)

Don't Be Afraid to Ask

How many people have not seen the world simply because they didn't think they had the money? Thousands? Probably millions. It would have been so easy for our family to join in those numbers as our son proposed the idea to be a foreign exchange student over two years ago. While we have been blessed with good middle income jobs, there is not extra money for a 10 month stay in a European country for an 18 year old.

I am here to encourage those of you who doubt you can do it. First of all, have determination that you and your family will reach your goal. What is your goal? Let's suppose it's to get your student or even yourself overseas. How will you do it? By asking for help. You say you're shy? Be courageous. You don't know how to go about it? Get help. Not sure where to look? "Google it."

In our case, we started by searching the internet and finding sample appeal/solicitation letters. Then we determined what our financial need was--we estimated that amount at $10,000. We then established what we could afford to begin the fundraising efforts. As parents we committed to an original $1,000 then later upped that $2,000 as we realized we were simply paying for unexpected incidentals and needed to account for that. The Rotarians and we, as parents, agreed that our son also needed to invest in this trip. So we had him commit to donating $1,000 as he worked his part-time job.

With the appeal letter composed, we sent it out in December to over 120 family and friends including many at our church where Aaron is very active. At this time we also set up a gofundme account to help those who might want to use credit cards. You can check it out at gofundme.com/aarons_exchange. Although only 2-3 people actually made donations using the online fundraising site, we continued to use it to post our offline donations so we, along with others, could monitor the progress towards our goal.

At first the donation came in pretty steady for 4-8 weeks. Then they became less frequent, but individuals would remind us that they were planning to give. We also redirected our efforts at this time to a few local businesses and civic organizations. For example, we asked our employers and friends who own businesses if they could donate. Most did. The Rotary Club of Fort Wayne is sponsoring Aaron and donated a scholarship. Even our New Haven Lions Club hosted a Chicken Dinner Fundraiser for Aaron. They gave us the opportunity to sell "pre-sale tickets" to our friends and family. Some "cashed in" their tickets by getting dinners, while others (like Rotary members) simply bought the tickets out of kindness to put the money towards Aaron's trip.

Greg Solon, Rotary Member, presents Aaron with Youth Exchange Scholarship.

Now as we get closer to the day of departure we are refocusing again and asking for help with in-kind donations. Such as, Aaron already got the local optician to donate a pair of frames and lenses for him to have as a back up pair of eyeglasses as recommended by the trip organizers. By relationships through the Rotary Club members, we have also have just received word that the local travel bureau will donate 100 trading pins, and a former state representative gave us connections where to get Indiana state flag pins for trading. Aaron expects to ask a few local businesses for t-shirts with "Fort Wayne," "New Haven," and "Indiana" on them to trade with other youth.

As you can see, it takes a quite a bit of time and energy to pull this off. However, the pay off is not just the money. As parents we have been truly humbled by the outpouring. For you see, every time someone gave, they gave us a confidence vote in our son. Truly, there were times when the donations left us speechless. Whether is was a donation that came in much larger than we expected, or if it was a small donation from a friend we knew to be on a very limited income, we were grateful. We still are.

So, if you are considering how you might ever manage to travel overseas, remember what someone, somewhere once told you: "It never hurts to ask." If you have a circle of potential supporters, a bit of bravery, and are not easily impacted by the occasional rebuff, you'll be on your way in only a few short months.

 (Image attribution to: http://www.powerofpositivity.com/positive-affirmations/)

Such a long weekend of celebrating Aaron's graduation one day, followed by his party today. A houseful of people gathered; many came and went throughout the four hours. And yet, grandparents were missing from the scene. Three have passed. One is not mobile enough to navigate easily in such situations. 

Then, tonight on facebook, I saw a post which read, "Grief never ends...but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay, Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love."

Milestones give us pause to think of those who have passed. Today, both Mike and I took moments to include our parents in celebrating this graduation weekend. What made it special is we didn't really plan it, we did it on our own, and only discovered our shared grief and price of love by chance in a conversation.

So often this year, we have heard, "You've done a great job raising Aaron." The fact of the matter is that he comes from a great gene pool...and that includes his grandparents. Living and deceased.

Kudos to Frances Bernadette & William T. Rorick along with Arthur J. and Barbara A. Vonderhaar.  For those we've never met, but who handed down their values and principles...we also thank you. By God's grace and design through the ages, Aaron is the young man he is today because of you!

We've been busy receiving information from my son's host Rotary club in the Slovak Republic lately. The biggest news to start with was that he will be living in Semsa, a village of 750, to start his journey. That's a big difference from the metropolitan area of Fort Wayne, Indiana. Yet, when we looked where his school was located, we discovered it is Kosice, the second largest city in the country and comparable to what Aaron, our son, is used to.

Just yesterday we heard from the mother of his host family and discovered that she is a medical doctor and the father is in a business which includes a hockey warehouse. With Aaron just having returned to the ice after a four year hiatus, he is excited to hear the news that his host family has a hockey connection. The family has one son, a 15 year old, who also plays the sport.

As we prepare to watch our boy graduate from his American high school tomorrow, we are increasing aware that August will be here before we know it, and we will be escorting him to an airport.

No doubt his wings will sprout as the airplane's own wings lift him from the soil of this continent.

(Map credit to University Bible Fellowship)

(Semsa is located in the lower left portion of the map.)